Why do they make toasters that burn your bread? On my toaster there are settings ranging from one to ten. 'One' is so ineffective that you'll grow mould before the bread will melt butter. Where as 'two' will incinerate your slice of Hovis to a smoky crumbling husk of its former self. And the settings above this are presumably reserved for arsonists.
So why in a world where we can split the atom and fly faster than the speed of sound, can we not create a toaster that works properly?
Of course, it's down to the engineers. Embittered after years of study and rejected applications from British Aerospace and NASA, a young engineer instead starts his first job at Morphy Richards. 'Right, this'll teach the buggers. Turn the bloody knob to three and it'll burn down your house.'
There's nothing more dangerous than a disgruntled engineer. Which is why I'm glad that Audi has given its creative department something to gets its teeth into. With greater resources than most countries, Audi clearly has some of the world's best technicians. But forcing them to create shopping trolleys like the A1 is frankly insulting. It's like giving Mozart a toy xylophone. He'd be able to write a catchy jingle, but it's hardly going to be the Jupiter symphony. Give him a Steinway, though, and things will turn out a little different.
And this is exactly what Audi has done. After perfecting the RS4, there was only one thing left to build: the supercar.
So when I was asked to go to the South of France to test-drive the result, there was only ever going to be one answer. Waiting for the flight to take off, I had butterflies. Not because I'm afraid of flying, but because I couldn't wait to land. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve; one that had been good all year and knew that his parents had bought extra rolls of wrapping paper. The potential of an Audi supercar was nothing short of, well, spine tingling.
As we landed at Le Castellet airport, the R8s were lined up at the side of the private airstrip, begging to be driven. Before you even open the door, the R8 creates an impression. The slit-thin headlamps stare you down, and the gashed air vents look like old battle scars. Any fears that Audi's designers would make the R8 too domestic or too subdued are dispatched immediately.
Once inside, the interior is predictably refined but the chrome gear stick grate reminds you of the car's sporting intention.
As soon as the 4.2 litre V8 is ignited, you don't need any more reminders. Just the slightest flick of the throttle, and there's no doubt that this is a pureblood supercar.
The surrounding mountain roads are the perfect playground to test the car's mettle. Twisting through the winding route we'd chosen, the car puts you at ease from the very first corner. Although the furious V8 spins freely up to 8,250rpm, launching you to 60mph in 4.6 seconds, the whole experience is still composed and controlled. Even when you're pushing everything from the 420bhp under your right foot, the Audi reassures you that it can take as much as you're willing to give.
This part of France is a notorious petrolhead paradise. Bernie Ecclestone has a hotel here that borders his Formula One-standard racetrack, the Circuit Paul Ricard. The area draws in hundreds of bikers that ride the roads like they were on rails. And it's rare for these locals to be challenged. But when we sped up behind a brace of bikes, it was clear that they wanted to see if the Audi could keep up. Funny - it was exactly what I wanted to know, too.
Racing through the deserted mountain pass, the Audi was simply spectacular. With the magnetically controlled suspension switched on, the R8 handles exquisitely. Although the superbikes had the better of the Audi down the straights, the R8 was by far the superior machine through the corners. As we reached a town, the bikes slowed down to pay their respect - first to the speed limit, and second to the R8.
Waving with delight and sticking their thumbs in the air, it was clear the Audi had gained the bikers' seal of approval. Which is a rare thing to happen. If it had been a Ferrari or a Porsche, the bikers would barely have raised a pierced eyebrow. But somehow the R8 has an appeal that attracts even the most fervent of sceptics.
Arriving in our destination of St Tropez, the R8 brought even more attention upon itself. Even the nipped and tucked patrons of the harboured superyachts spared a few seconds from their self-absorption to steal a glance at the stunning motor.
In design terms, Audi seems to have taken a look at all the greatest supercars, and nicked all the best bits. It has the gaping side vents of a Lamborghini Gallardo. It has the transparent engine cover from a Ferrari 430. And then there's the hydraulic rear spoiler like on a Porsche 911. It moulds all these elements and then adds its own finishing touches. The LED surround of those front headlamps is the final flourish. On the motorway back to Castellet, the lights shine out in front of you with an intimidating stare that clears the lane ahead.
On our return journey, we saw a fellow journalist in negotiations with the French police. I wondered how much it was going to cost him to get out of that situation. The answer, I later discovered, was very little. In fact, the gendarme simply wanted the journalist to follow him back to the police station in the R8. Rather than any form of reprimand, it was actually so he could show off the car to his fellow officers. The journalist ended up taking the policeman for a drive. Apparently the two of them reached 160mph and all the gendarme could do was giggle inanely.
And that's exactly what you want from a supercar. It has to make you feel like you're a child on Christmas day. One that's snuck out of bed early to shake the presents sitting under the tree.
However, don't get too excited. The waiting list for an Audi R8 stretches to 2009, so you'll have to do something pretty special to get hold of one this year.
By Mark Hedley

Make: Audi
Model: R8
Engine: 4.2-litre V8
Power: 420bhp
Torque: 430Nm@4500rpm
0-60mph: 4.6secs
Top Speed: 187mph
Price: £76,825